Okay, I hate it when I type out a long entry and then my computer freezes. I guess I'll start over. :(

So to everyone who helped me out with kind words, or even those who thought of me, I say thank you. I already feel much better, and the fog in my brain is beginning to lift.

I wrote a long description of my 5K race, but I don't feel like rewriting it. Here's the gist: I ran the 5K race on May 11. I felt like an imposter among all the elite crowds of athletes, but my roommate and I jogged the whole time, and we actually finished! Yay for us. It felt good to accomplish a goal. I almost died partway through (we forgot to train on hills), but I did it, and I wasn't even last (close, but not quite.)

This weekend I went on a church campout and service project. It was borderline fun, although I had an anxiety situation on Friday. Friday night everyone swarmed in the main lodge, dancing, chatting and playing games. I didn't feel like dancing, didn't want to play games with the people who invited me to, and couldn't stand around pretending I wasn't falling to pieces inside. So I ran to my cabin and went to bed early. I felt like a major loser.

Saturday morning was much better. I always feel much better in daylight anyway. I'm more in my element when I'm working or doing something constructive. We were divided into groups and given assignments to clean the cabins.

There was one guy there who caught my eye, we'll call him striped shirt boy. (SSBoy for short) I found out which group he was in, and I should have said, "Hey, I'm in that group too! What a coincidence." But I didn't. I thought, I must have been put in my group for a reason--there's probably an even better guy in my group. There wasn't. Oh well. SSBoy will be yet another guy I stalk from afar until I get too tired of it.

Things like this weekend depress me, because I realize that even though I'm in my late 20s, I'm still as socially awkward as they come. I start to get the feeling that things will never change for me. It's not true, but horrible social situations make me feel that way.

Song on my life soundtrack: Winter's Come and Gone, Gillian Welch

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