1. Fly boy. He's a 'portly' (in his own words) fellow, who my roommate compares to Winnie-the-Pooh. Fly boy is his name, and gambling is his game. Was I flattered when he showed interest? Sure, a little. Did I want to go out with him? No. Did I? Yes.

2. Date #2 with Fly boy. My stomach almost exploded just at the thought of going out with him. Not because there's something inherently wrong with him or anything, I'm just not interested and dodn't know how to convey that kindly. (Nor do I yet know how to do so in a tactful way) So I conveyed it in the most horrid way I could think of. He shows up to pick me up for our date, and I'm dressed in my pajamas, looking awful. I blurt out something about being sick (which I was), and close the door on probably a much wiser (and justifiably angrier) Fly boy. If I didn't feel sick before then, bring on the toilet now. I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me.

3. Tool man. He seemed like a nice friend until he called to ask me out. (Cue "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" tense music) I managed to deflect date number one by inviting him to a group activity instead. The saga continues, however...

4. That's it. That there are only two guys in my life right now just adds to the awareness that my dating skills are a disaster. I am hopelessly unable to reject someone. Here is an excerpt from an actual conversation with a past disaster...

Picture a scenic drive from Salt Lake City to Provo with a guy obviously in love with a girl who is not.

Mr. 'T': So what's going to happen in two weeks?

Me: I'm moving to Nevada.

Mr. 'T': I pity the fool...(just kidding. He didn't say that. He actually said:) I guess it's hopeless for me...

Me: Well, it's kind of hard when I'll be five hours away.

T: So what's going to happen?

Me: I don't know.

T: Well, if you weren't moving, would you be interested in me?

Me: I think you're a great guy and fun to be with...(my words trickle down to a mumble and I don't know how to end the sentence, so I don't)

T: But are you interested in me? (Point blank. Bam.)

Me: Well...(awkward pause...hoping to be suddenly struck dead at that moment so I wouldn't have to answer)...Like I said, I think you're a great friend (I said FRIEND. That means friend.). I don't think I'm interested in you...(well said, life blood. Straight to the point.)...right now.

The two words that sealed my doom forever. I couldn't let it go. I had to end the sentence with something nice. "I'm not interested in you...right now." He took those words and ran with them, filling his heart with all kinds of hope that I eventually had to crush and mangle before he gave up on me. How much easier it would have been if I had stopped it all before it all began.

That would be too simple though. And that's one to grow on.

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