It sprinkled as I drove back to work from my doctor appointment. I want to be poetic and say that my tears mixed with the rain, but they didn't. The heavy air released its burden, while I still carry mine.

I want to stop my life and rewind it, rewind back to before I can remember, and start all over. I want to do things right, I want a second chance. Today I feel as if I am a wound clock, with no alternative but to tick tick tick the way I've been programmed to do, no chance to choose a different path. Why do I feel that I have no control over my life?

I want to lie on my bed, close my eyes, sleep a dreamless sleep and not wake up until I've forgotten everything. Until I'm not me.

Self-destructive? Yes. Solutions?

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