I was looking through my ‘traditional’, non cyber-space journal, and I found the following statement, which I wrote about a month ago:

“I never feel like writing in my journal anymore. It’s like if I can’t instantly find out what somebody thinks of what I have to say, I don’t want to say it.”

Was diaryland created for me, or what? Thanks ms. eden for exposing me to the joys of cyber purging.

This weekend has been rather dull, and yet strangely relaxing. I watched Superman II, which isn’t as much better than Superman 1 as I thought it would be. But there’s just something sexy about innocent, wonderful Superman, whose only desire is to see each person in the human race be safe and happy. And especially Lois Lane.

I am feeling much better than I did this past week, spiritually speaking, I mean. Come to think of it, physically speaking too. I just bought a pedometer, which tracks how many steps I take in a day. Yesterday it was 7,700. Today I’m at 2,035 steps, and counting. I plan to track my stepping for a week, take the average, and add about 300 steps a day to my average. That way, I’ll walk around more, burn more calories, and get fit! I also took up jump roping. And if you’ve forgotten from your childhood—it’s tiring!! I could only do about two minutes worth of jumping before tiring out. But jump roping supposedly burns 10 calories a minute, so I’m feeling more fit already!

But anyway, back to spirituality. I want to make it a focus in my life. The trouble with it is, once I begin to feel good spiritually, I feel like I can relax a little, and quit working so hard to maintain. I’ve found that the only way to feel happy and spiritual is to work VERY hard. Sometimes I’m not willing to make such an effort, and that’s when I weaken and eventually fall. It’s a pattern I see in myself a lot. I feel like I have a mini Nephite/Lamanite cycle within me. I’m good, so I get blessed, and then I think all is well, so I stop trying so hard. Then before I know it, I’m not even needing God anymore (pride). That’s when God steps in and humbles me, and the cycle goes on. I want to break that cycle. I want to overcome my selfishness. I want to be like Superman, who truly doesn’t want anything more than to do good. I want to be like Jesus.

 

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