To all of my fans out there, yes, I really did send that letter yesterday. And with the wizardry and magic of the internet, a response came back to me today. He is still my friend, so all is not lost. As he puts it, "The good thing about email is that no awkwardness can occur. You can't look me in the eyes when you said what you said, and I don't have to answer you right at the moment, so it's all good."

Too true. If we were face to face, I don't know that I could be so brave. But as Victor Hugo puts it (in a translation from French, courtesy of my roommate): "Daring is the price of progress." I don't regret sending the letter. In fact, it was driving me crazy that I kept it to myself for so long. And it has given me courage to do other things in my life...

For one thing, I totally relate to eden as she talked about sickness of the body and spirit. My body seems fine, but my spirit is crying out for help. The trouble is that the symptoms are so vague--mild discontent, difficulty doing the things I know I'm supposed to do, avoiding scriptures and prayer. I think I've got a bad case of apathy, and I must pull myself out of it. The nature of the disease makes it hard to desire anything overmuch, so snapping out of it is more difficult than it sounds. But I'm on the road to nowhere, and I've got to exit, stage left before it's too late. I'm glad to have friends, and institute, and church to help me.

Is this too personal? I don't even know who all reads this (besides ducky and eden). I find great satisfaction in dashing off all my most potent thoughts, intensely private or otherwise, and getting feedback from others. It's the writer in me I guess, wanting not only expression, but a captive audience as well.

 

+ / -